After my infant son passed away on July 10, 1990, I found myself engulfed in the same overwhelming grief that many of you may have experienced.

I had prepared a room for our new baby’s homecoming and filled it with all the welcoming treasures we had received at the baby shower. I knew over time that I would need to pack up the room. It was a daunting task, filled with emotional landmines. How could I do this? When would I ever be ready? Each item I picked up was a painful reminder of the dreams we had for our son, now shattered.

Transforming Grief Into a Ritual of Healing

One day, my mom came over to see if I could put at least a few of the baby’s things into boxes. Her gentle act of creating a memory basket became a form of emotional healing. A symbolic way to channel our pain into something sacred.

She walked in with a beautiful basket. On the lid, a ceramic angel tied with a lovely blue bow. She suggested we put the most treasured things in the lovingly chosen basket. She had made it into a gesture of love, a chance to remember and hold our dreams for my son close to our hearts.

With its carefully chosen angel and beautiful bow, this basket became a symbol of our love for our son and a repository for our most cherished memories. We cried many tears as we chose the basket’s contents, but we also found ourselves smiling occasionally.

Creating a Memory Basket After Infant Loss

This basket became a lifeline for me on special occasions. Every year, on my son’s birthday, I would carefully take the basket off its shelf and open it. I would read all the cards and look at the treasures. The lock of his hair, a silver spoon, his hospital bracelet, and dad’s mask-each itembecame part of my emotional healing.

I would allow myself to feel the pain of missing those important firsts. A floodgate opened to feel it all. This ritual, repeated each year, was a way of keeping my son’s memory alive and present in my life.

This is something many parents find helpful and is often recommended in books on grief and loss of a child.

Grieving in Your Own Way: Respecting Personal Paths to Healing

I did this every year. If anyone was around, I would share the basket with my family, reading the cards out loud. Their presence and understanding brought me comfort. It did not give my husband the same peace, so we did not share it. We all grieve so personally, and I respected his choice.

After many years of this yearly ritual, I decided that I could leave the basket on the shelf. It did not mean the loss of my son was any less complicated. It meant I had found ways to honor his memory every day.

From Ritual to Everyday Healing

I can see the bright stars at night, feel the warm breeze on my face, see the sun sparkling like diamonds on the water, smell the earth when the rain hits it, hear my family’s laughter, and revel in the sweet souls of my grandchildren.

His memory, his love, and the joy he brought into our lives are etched in my heart, a constant source of comfort and strength.

This kind of journey is why books about healing from miscarriage and infant loss books often emphasize personal rituals like these.

Everyday Healing: Finding Joy in Life Again

Hope and love for myself and doing whatever I needed to do to walk the steps of grief helped me to feel less of the deepest pain I have ever felt and find joy in the short time that I got to know my son.

If you’re walking a similar path, you may want to explore our blog: Self-Care After Pregnancy Loss: Healing Your Body and Mind

You’re Not Alone: Let’s Heal Together

If you’re navigating your own grief after miscarriage or infant loss, consider creating your own memory basket. Whether it’s filled with photos, a lock of hair, or letters written to your baby, it can serve as a deeply personal emotional healing book written in your heart.